Every blogger worth their salt does a retrospective on the year, don't they? And as someone who published three whole blog posts last year, so is therefore a bonefide 'online influencer', I think it's only fitting that I too, follow this trend.
... In the middle of January. The time of year you're traditionally meant to reflect on the year just gone. That's right isn't it? It sounds right. It definitely doesn't sound like I had this blog post idea three weeks ago and procrastinated actually writing the damn thing until I had something else I was meant to be doing instead.
Anyway. It's easy to look back on our year with either nostalgia (Travelling! New friends! Mick Jagger is still alive!) or pessimism (Brexit! Trump! I'll never afford to buy a house or retire!) but personally I prefer to deal in cold hard facts.
Numbers my friends. I'm talking about numbers. The one thing all our lives can be boiled down down to, so we're easily able to compare ourselves to our peers. NUMBERS.
The scores on the doors for my 2016 are:
This is based on a very conservative estimate of 3 cups a day x 366 day in 2016. Some of you may say that 1098 is a terrifyingly high number. Some of you may worry for my resting heartrate, my sleep pattern and my general heath. To those of you I say: I'm aiming to break 2000 this year.
I got stamps for Brazil, Argentina, Bolivia, Peru, Ecuador, Colombia, the USA and Macchu Picchu (which has its own stamp for some reason). HEY GUYS DID YOU KNOW I WENT TRAVELLING THIS YEAR DID I MENTION I WENT TRAVELLING THIS YEAR? Actually you probably don't know since I broke my iPad literally on the way to the first country so I only blogged about it twice. I do have extensive handwritten notes I might punch-up and post this year if I'm feeling light on #content and of course the material will also feature in my my upcoming autobiography.
I also went to Portugal in 2016, so it was definitely my most-travelled year ever. I've well and truly got the bug now, and would love to go back to South America - or to Asia. But that's a challenge for 2018 because my finances are well and truly wiped from all that rum I was drinking in Colombia tbh.
Not only did I have to endure the EU Referendum over here, but there were also referendums in Bolivia and Colombia while I was in each of those countries and I think both of those had a big shock result too. If I never see another fucking televised debate or hear the words 'Australian style points based immigration system) it'll be too soon.
But nothing - nothing - will ever be harder than waking up at 3.45 in the morning and hauling a backpack up 1500 steeper-than-you-imagined stairs (which by the way is far more stairs than it feels like it should be), in the mosquito-ridden humidity of Peru, wearing twelve layers because everyone told you it would be cold but at 4.30am it's already warmer in the UK in summer. And while you clamber relentlessly up stair after stair after stair in the dark, it clicks: the people who said you would be cold were Peruvian - 18C is cold to them. But it's not cold to you especially when you're hiking up a mountain. So you brought all this extra clothing with you and now you have to either wear it or carry it and you can't decide which option is less appealing, and you feel incredibly stupid for not doing more research before you set off.
... In the middle of January. The time of year you're traditionally meant to reflect on the year just gone. That's right isn't it? It sounds right. It definitely doesn't sound like I had this blog post idea three weeks ago and procrastinated actually writing the damn thing until I had something else I was meant to be doing instead.
Anyway. It's easy to look back on our year with either nostalgia (Travelling! New friends! Mick Jagger is still alive!) or pessimism (Brexit! Trump! I'll never afford to buy a house or retire!) but personally I prefer to deal in cold hard facts.
Numbers my friends. I'm talking about numbers. The one thing all our lives can be boiled down down to, so we're easily able to compare ourselves to our peers. NUMBERS.
The scores on the doors for my 2016 are:
Cups of coffee consumed: 1098
Pounds lost: 40
This is pounds as in lbs. As in pounds of weight gone from my body. Not pound coins I've dropped in my day to day life (although to be honest the number is probably pretty accurate for that too). Yes, that's right: Through the year, I counted calories, I participated in FitBit challenges and I spent an ungodly amount of time listening to true crime podcasts on the crosstrainer. So when I stepped on the scales on the morning of December 31st 2016, I weighed exactly 40lbs less than I did 366 days before. And sorry but I will just NOT! STOP! GOING! ON! about it because it's pretty great to be able to consistently buy clothes in my size again and not flinch whenever I walk past a mirror or see a photograph of myself.*
Episodes of Gilmore Girls watched: 157
157! That's 153 original episodes PLUS FOUR MORE 90 MINUTE NETFLIX REVIVAL EPISODES. I watched 4 more episodes of Gilmore Girls than in any other year. A new record. Congratulations to everyone who contributed to this mammoth achievement.
Stamps on my passport: 8
I also went to Portugal in 2016, so it was definitely my most-travelled year ever. I've well and truly got the bug now, and would love to go back to South America - or to Asia. But that's a challenge for 2018 because my finances are well and truly wiped from all that rum I was drinking in Colombia tbh.
Referendums lived through: 3
Not only did I have to endure the EU Referendum over here, but there were also referendums in Bolivia and Colombia while I was in each of those countries and I think both of those had a big shock result too. If I never see another fucking televised debate or hear the words 'Australian style points based immigration system) it'll be too soon.
Conversations with people from Mainland Europe about the EU referendum result: Approximately 4352548952327478527235
Guys. Mainland Europe is taking it really personally in my experience. One weird Dutch boy I met in Brazil said that Holland was going to push us farther into the sea?!?!??!
Did I mention I am so done with referendums?
Jobs quit: 1
FUCK YEAH. No offence to anyone that I worked with at my last job because the people were 99% sound. But that 1% was pretty unbearable, and the job wasn't what I saw myself doing long term - or where I saw myself doing it. So when I handed my notice in at the beginning of June I was pretty stoked.
Right now I'm working for myself which is cool because I get to be my own boss so I can go to Westfield at 11am if I want to depress myself, and there are no colleagues to police my coffee intake, but also not cool because finding well-paying freelance work is difficult and I'm also in a new city which happens to be one of the most expensive cities on the damn planet. So if you would like to hire me to do any full time or part time work please get in touch. #prayforlib
Steps walked to Macchu Picchu: 38,838**
Look. There were a lot of things I did last year that I didn't really think I'd ever be able to do. Quitting my job with nothing else lined up and no plan was one of them. Flying off to Rio, where I was certain I'd get robbed and stabbed as soon as I walked off the plane was another. And moving to London, a frankly unfriendly city where I don't know nearly as many people as I thought I did, was a third.
But nothing - nothing - will ever be harder than waking up at 3.45 in the morning and hauling a backpack up 1500 steeper-than-you-imagined stairs (which by the way is far more stairs than it feels like it should be), in the mosquito-ridden humidity of Peru, wearing twelve layers because everyone told you it would be cold but at 4.30am it's already warmer in the UK in summer. And while you clamber relentlessly up stair after stair after stair in the dark, it clicks: the people who said you would be cold were Peruvian - 18C is cold to them. But it's not cold to you especially when you're hiking up a mountain. So you brought all this extra clothing with you and now you have to either wear it or carry it and you can't decide which option is less appealing, and you feel incredibly stupid for not doing more research before you set off.
I ran out of water. I told my friend to go on without me so she didn't miss the tour. I had to stop every few paces because the altitude was making me dizzy and out of breath. It got to the point where I honestly thought I was going to die on that mountain - or at least that I was going to have to stay put until my friend was finished seeing Macchu Picchu and we could go back down together, because I just couldn't climb any more stairs.
I almost gave up so many times, but I did it.
I was absolutely exhausted and drenched in sweat by the time I got there, but I did it.
It took me longer than most other people, but I did it.
And it was completely worth it.
Someone a bit less cynical might say that's a good metaphor for life. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
*DISCLAIMER: I don't want the internet to come for me so please don't think that I'm saying you have to be thin to be happy! If you are healthy and happy with how you look and feel then you are at the right weight for you and I'm sure you look great! I was not healthy and I was not happy with how I looked or felt! But now I am! And I'm still not thin and I still love eating Galaxy Golden Eggs by the packet! So! Many! Exclamation! Marks!
**(According to my FitBit anyway. This includes the walk we did along train tracks from where our bus dropped us off to the village at the bottom of the mountain, all the steps we walked up to get to Macchu Picchu proper, and walking round it once we were there).
